Sometimes life doesn't go as planned. Plans fall through, unexpected problems come up, difficulties come our way and suddenly our minds are filled with negative thoughts that can take over. Whilst some of our negative thoughts and emotions are totally understandable when faced with pain and difficulty – sometimes our minds jump to conclusions, expect the worst, or focus only on what’s going wrong.

These thoughts feel real, but they aren’t always true. And while we can’t avoid painful moments, we can learn how to think more helpfully in the middle of them.

The idea that we can develop and learn to think differently comes from positive psychology, a branch of psychology focused not just on treating illness, but on helping people flourish. Pioneers like Martin Seligman and Aaron Beck have shown that the way we think affects how we feel and behave — especially in tough times.

So how do we apply this in real life?

Keep Doing The Right Things, Even When It’s Hard

The basics of mental wellbeing are especially important when life is difficult. These include:

• Staying active, even a short walk helps
• Keeping connected to friends or family
• Getting outdoors for fresh air and perspective
• Being creative, even in small ways
• Talking to someone you trust

These habits don’t erase problems, but they strengthen your ability to cope.

Notice & Challenge Unhelpful Thoughts

We all experience automatic negative thoughts like “I’m useless,” “No one likes me,” or “Why bother?” These thoughts can spiral and feed anxiety or low mood. But here’s the key: just because you think something doesn’t make it true.

Try this simple process:

1. Notice the thought: What triggered it?
2. Challenge it: Is this fact or feeling? What evidence do I have?
3. Replace it with something more balanced:
   • I must do well → I’d prefer to do well
   • I’m going to fail → I’ll do my best
   • No one cares → Some people do care, I’ll reach out to them

Grow Optimism Without Pretending Everything’s Fine

Optimism isn’t about denying hardship. It’s about building a mindset that sees challenges realistically, but with hope. Research shows that optimism can:

• Reduce stress
• Improve problem-solving
• Strengthen relationships
• Boost emotional resilience

You can start by swapping phrases like “I have to…” or “I should…” with gentler ones like “I’d like to…”, “I could try…”, or “It would help if…”

Know When To Ask For Help

It’s okay to not feel okay. But if sadness, stress, or worry goes on for weeks, or if something is seriously affecting your wellbeing, it’s important to speak to a professional. You don’t have to face it alone. There are a few websites below you can check out or contact your GP.

The Takeaway

Your thoughts shape your reality — but they can also be reshaped. By noticing unhelpful thinking, building healthier self-talk, and continuing helpful habits even in tough seasons, you take back some control.